So far this morning we have had three tantrums.

Thankfully now we have collapsed for a nap, but I think I might run away for an hour when Tom gets back from Coronation in an effort to try and restore some sanity. Probably a hopeless cause, but fresh air will do me good!

The following is not an advised way of dieting:

Daughter emergency admitted to hospital. No food provided by hospital and daughter even more clingy than usual so going to get some difficult!
Three infections in succession.

But by god, it works. My trousers that were snug are now removable without undoing them!

Needless to say the last few days have been somewhat fraught and I am shattered. But on we go as Tom is on call all weekend regardless. A summary of events:

Sunday Eve was off colour, not badly, but I'd noticed that she wasn't consuming her usual quantities of food. Knowing what toddlers are like I shrugged, carried on aware that she was still eating, so all was fine. Except it wasn't of course. Sunday night Tom and I were disturbed by our daughter crying suddenly, with a fever that I confess we didn't measure, but knew it wasn't an insignificant one. Clothes were shed, window opened and she was cooled down. Back to bed! She didn't sleep well, but she did sleep.

Monday was more of the same, but she was eating less and growing steadily more fickle about life. Nothing was quite right. I ended up co-sleeping with her on the futon - something I'd never dreamed I'd consider - just so that everyone got some more sleep. And she did indeed sleep better for it. The fever was intermittent, but there were niggling little doubts. She was copiously sick on her last milk feed too. :(

Tuesday she went off her food, completely. She'd still take milk by the gallon, so we thought we'd ride it out and let her drink until she felt better, but I took her to the doctors for a check over anyway. Same old, they said. Take her in again if she changes. Sick during the day again. Tuesday evening was another trip to the doctors, as I recorded a temperature of 39.5! It's a forehead thermometer though so not considered overly reliable and having given her some ibuprofen before we left for the docs she was charting at 37.7 when we got there! Go home, ride it out they said. Feh.

Wednesday she wasn't taking milk at all, fended the bottle off. Was taking the odd sip from her sippy cup, but that tended to come back up as well. More vomiting. Third trip to the doctors. I whimpered. I played 'my husband is on call tonight, I can't cope' card. And it worked. We finally went into treetops children's ward. Nnnk.

They kept an eye on her, dawdled and I finally got mad and got Tom to ring their reg to find out what was happening. She was put on an IV drip and various samples taken. So at least she was finally getting fluids! Since then we've been back and forth a bit as Tom had the day off yesterday. I am however knackered regardless. Eve would not sleep in the horrible metal hospital cot. Oh no. And unlike the nice, wide and low futon we were in a single bed with no side rails. I ended up jamming the cot against the bed and a towel over that to protect her from the metal and she slept on that side. And she did sleep that way at least, at least last night. But my daughter takes after her father - she's a bed hog!

I am tired, emotionally drained and just out of a menthol bath because my back muscles are swearing bloody revenge at me for last night. I may well claim ear plug privileges tonight, because I so deserve it. And of course to add a bitter sting of irony Tom is on call all weekend, so he won't be here.

Next weekend I'm off to TORM, in perfect timing as I could so do with de-stressing right now. Will call in Cheshire on the way and lay some flowers on Mums' grave as Dad hasn't been able to make it in a month - the family plot is 3 hours drive from him currently.

Today is Eve's first birthday, a day of celebrations and also of reflection. There has been a blessing at Tom's old church followed by a party back at the in laws place. And aside from having to convince a baby to sleep despite choir and organ it went well. And we discovered she rather likes chocolate cake.

Looking back over the year is not such a pleasant experience. Let me say this straight and probably somewhat controversially - I do not like motherhood. It does not suit me. I do not suit it. I love my baby, don't get me wrong, but at the grand age of 37 it was a complete shock to the system. I am by nature something of a selfish creature. I like being able to do what I want, when I want for the most part, money and location willing. And of course I managed to have an awkward child. We sort of knew it would happen, just not quite to that extent. She didn't like milk. Feeding was sometimes a battle. Sleep? I've had almost a year of interrupted nights and I do not function well on a lack of sleep. Our child starting sleeping through the night fully at nine months. Count 'em. And then she stopped again because she was and indeed is teething.

Don't get me wrong, it's not all bad. It's just sometimes hard to see the good when you're trying to catch a morning nap when she does and the phone keeps going. And family has been a great help, giving me a few hours off a week to do adult stuff. But I always had to go out to do it, meaning the only time I get to chill at home is a couple hours of a night time when she's in bed before we go up. This shall hopefully change. We're looking into finding a nursery for her, for one day a week so that I'll have an entire long day just to chill out, or do whatever I want. See, there's that selfish bit again.

And hopefully we'll see the back of bottles relatively soon, proper food and a lot less faff to plan to go somewhere, to do things. Fingers crossed for the next year!

And of course she's doing something norty!

Mel, Mary and myself have already booked some of these (I'll miss the last one due to Doublewars!) and we're attempting to drag Nik as well, but in case anyone else is interested:

Sumptuous Stitching Techniques

During these courses, which can be booked independently or together for maximum benefit, you will work on a purse of a book-cover design and explore the use of silk and gold in unusual combinations, drawing on techniques used in the 17th Century embroidered book bindings in particular. In doing so you'll increase your knowledge and appreciation of the history, material culture and use of embroidery techniques in the period.

Teacher: Leon Conrad
Ref X15TX07A10 Dates: 25-27th Feb
Ref X25TX10A10 Dates 3-5th June

Residential per course: 270
Course and Saturday lunch: 135 pounds

http://www.arca.uk.net/missendenabbey/contact.html

Tried out the firebox finally, and it seems to have worked well. Cooked a variety of things including belly pork, bratwurst and pigeon breasts, mostly because that was what I had available in the fridge or freezer! Need to get the knack of keeping consistent heat throughout as I've never really cooked on bare wood before. Which is demonstrated by my rather red eyes right now.

More experimentation required.

*burps*

Ascension day 2011 is on June 2nd (That's the last weekend in Doublewars and what it's dated by, BTW.)

Whose up for an ID invasion next year! It's about time we descended en masse again.

Ikea slope

Okay, this is the Ikea writing slope, which seems to be the hens teeth of Ikea products. The assistant I spoke to on the web didn't have a clue what I meant and she ended up having to ring the store to get them to walk up to the correct section and look! I got the last two in Ikea Gateshead, they are up for grabs for cost (though one was the display and has a little sticky tape strip on it. Will easily be removed I suspect) as we won't really use them. They cost 8 quid and measure 50x45 cms.

Ikea have scribal writing slopes in their office department. Plastic cast slopes, small lip at the bottom and places to put pens and inks at the top. Only 8 quid!